Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Typical Food Blog

Well this rainy cold weather makes me want to curl up and snuggle under the covers, watching Dexter (which is now on Netflix! Go get yourself addicted NOW!) while eating some comfort food. One of my favorite things to eat is mac and cheese and I happen to have a really awesome recipe that I would like to share with you all (plus another recipe for pigs in a blanket).

What makes this mac and cheese recipe so amazing is because you don't need to deal with making a rue or have to use the oven (although you will need the oven for the piggies), and only has five ingredients (butter is missing from this picture because it is camera shy).



For the mac and cheese you need:
Whatever macaroni you prefer, I am using elbow macaroni
1 can of Campbells cheese soup (great for cooking!)
1 can of evaporated milk
and about 2 cups of shredded cheese, I am using a Cheddar Jack mix
Butter (not pictured -- again camera shy)

This recipe is just stupid easy so follow these directions:
1) Bring water to boil
2) Add some salt to season the water
3) Dump in the macaroni and cook (around 7 minutes or follow box directions)
4) Drain water
5) Open and pour in the can of cheese soup and add the butter, about half a stick or so
6) Stir in add in about half a can of the evaporated milk
7) Add in the shredded cheese and continue to stir until everything combines into one big pot of yummy goodness.
You can add in more evaporated milk if you want the mac to be thinned out.


Pigs in a blanket


For the piggies you will need:
American cheese singles
Hot dogs
Can of biscuits

Preheat the oven per the biscuits instructions, mine says 375*F
Line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil, it will make clean up a lot easier.
Pop open your can of biscuits and start flattening them out. I
Cut your cheese slice in half and lay one half down and then top it with a hot dog.
Roll them up and pop them in the oven for about 15 minutes




Once everything is said and done you will have a nostalgic comfort food feast!

Now I am going to sit and finish watching some Dexter while ohm nom on some awesome food!

Until next time,
Sleep tight and don't let the zombies bite! (Unless it's this amazing food...you can let them do that)

-JD

Monday, November 4, 2013

Random ramblings

Good evening gentle reader,

I hope that the start of November has found you well. I have been hemming and hawing about what I should write next, and honestly friends I think it will just be a sporadic rambling perhaps once or twice a week. (Or whenever the mood strikes me).

There are two things that I would like to touch on tonight:

1) As some of you may know, my very good derby friend Anita Bandaid and I both got matching mustache tattoos on our fingers.
Well it has been a little over a week and my tattoo is in that awkward teen phase where it's starting to peel and get really itchy. I am trying oh-so-hard NOT to pick at it, and damnit I am getting pissed at what is happening.

See the cracking? See where it has peeled off and that it looks like it was done with a freaking Sharpie?! Yeah I am not very happy with this. Now this isn't my first tattoo rodeo, this little beaut is my 'lucky' number 13 so I know how to take care of a tat. And I also know that hand/finger tats are known for fading quickly, but good Lord this is ridiculous. Needless to say I will be going in for a touch up as soon as this weird peeling/healing phase is over.

Now that, that rant is over on to my next topic.  Which is the WFTDA Championship this weekend!


Oh yes my friends, those are the glorious tickets to this year's Womens Flat Track Derby Association Championship this weekend in Milwaukee! I have never been so excited to see so much derby because I really haven't had much of an opportunity to actually WATCH roller derby, I typically am stuck working the event as an NSO (Non-Skating Official).

So come Friday, when Anita and I are both done with work, we will be road tripping our way down to Milwaukee to meet up with some old friends and hopefully making new and to experience some of the best Women's flat track roller derby this world has to offer.

There will be a follow up blog either after or during the event, perhaps there will even be a blog on our shenanigans down to MKE. Stay tuned gentle readers because there is more to come!

Until next time,
Sleep tight and don't let the zombies bite!

- JD

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Happy Halloween!

This is Halloween this is Halloween, pumpkins scream in the dead of night! This is Halloween everybody make a scene trick-or-treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright!

One of my favorite days of the year!

In honor of this wonderful holiday and for my last blog in this 31 Days of Halloween series, I am going to review John Carpenters Halloween (of course).

This was one of my favorite movies as a kid because it always creeped me out so much. There is just something about not seeing the eyes of someone that really freak me out.

Plus this movie has such an iconic theme song to it.


Now for any Star Trek fans out there if the mask of Michael Meyers looks vaguely familiar it is because the props department used a Captain Kirk mask. They painted it white, teased out the hair, and enlarged the eye holes.

Apparently there is a very rare novelization of this movie that delves deeper into Michael's background. Click Here to see it listed on Amazon for $300. If you want to get me something for Christmas, this will do nicely.

I remember seeing the sequel; Halloween II when I was younger and the opening song Mr Sandman creeped me out immensely. There is just something about pairing old time music to a horror movie that is just perfectly creepy.

Oh and look what popped up on my Facebook page courtesy of Bloody-Disgusting.com An alternate opening to the movie! If you'd like to read the full article and see the video (there is no sound on it FYI) click here.

IMDB rates this a 7.9 out of 10 stars and Rotten Tomatoes gives it 94% with an audience approval rating of 85%. I am giving this 4 out of 5 skulls, really great movie, scary and creepy, but could use just a touch more blood.

Well I hope you all enjoyed reading my reviews and that some of them may have piqued your interest to see a new movie or re-watch and old favorite.
Have a fantastic Halloween everyone!

Sleep tight and don't let the zombies bite!
-JD

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

I Know What You Did Last Summer

Happy Hump Day fellow creepsters,

One more day until Halloween!

So for today's blog I am going to review I Know What You Did Last Summer because I am watching it on ABC Family. Crazy right? Since when did ABC Family start playing horror movies...before this, The Craft was on.

Wow, what a horrible trailer. I would like to say that the movie is better but then I'd be called a liar.


Released in 1997 this movie was directed by Jim Gilliespie and stars the typical brat pack of the 90's: Jennifer Love Hewitt, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Freddy Prinze Jr. and Ryan Pillippe.

It is your typical teen slasher flick where they go out an party then something bad happens they try to hide it and it comes to bite them on the ass.

What a lot of people do not know is that this movie was actually based on Lois Duncan's book called "Who Killed My Daughter" which is about the real life death of her daughter. Duncan has stated that she hates this movie because the film-makers had transformed her book into a slasher film.

Honestly the only tragic death in this movie is when Max, played by the wonderful Johnny Galecki, gets hacked up. Other than that this movie is predictable and repetitive. The music through is great, Type O Negative does a cover of Summer Breeze which is great.

There are two sequels to this movie, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, (Brandy and Jack Black are in that one) and I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (Direct to DVD sequel and doesn't star any of the original cast but still follows the continuing story arc)

IMDB rates this a 5.5 out of 10 stars Rotten Tomatoes rates it 36% and has a 47% audience approval rating. I am giving it two out of five skulls. Nothing impressive, a bit nostalgic for those of us who grew up in the 90's.

One more day! Until then,
Sleep tight and don't let the zombies bite!

-JD

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

Well it's Tuesday...only two days until Halloween, can you freaking believe it?  Working in retail kills the holidays because we already have so many Christmas trees out right now that Halloween has fallen to the wayside.

This makes me a very sad panda.

See, told you so.

I honestly didn't know what to review today until I remembered that there was a Friday the 13th marathon going on, on AMC and I had got to watch a little bit of it on my break at work. Then I realized that I have yet to do a review on one of the movies so today I am remedying that. However I am not starting with part one, oh no, I am starting with the movie that started my love affair for not only Jason Voorheese, but for horror movies in general; and that is Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan.

Great trailer right? They just don't make them like they use to.

Released in 1989 and directed by Rob Hedden this movie stars Kane Hodder as Jason (really the only Jason that matters)

"The graduating class of the local high school is going on a luxury cruise with Jason Voorhees as a stowaway. The heroine Rennie Wickham believes she was almost drowned by Jason as a child. Jason eventually sinks the boat and kills many of the students on it, but many of them escape to Manhattan. A long battle with Jason ensues until Jason is washed away in the New York sewers by a midnight flooding of toxic waste." Written by Jason Ihle, taken from IMDB

I remember seeing this movie when I was younger, around 10 I'd say. It was on TV during Halloween and it was the first Friday movie that I had seen. I clearly remember the ending of the movie with Jason in the sewer and became fascinated with the series and wanted to learn more about the movies and his character.

Neat little factoid is that during the diner scene, the guy that Jason throws into the mirror is actually Ken Kirzinger who ended up playing Jason in Freddy Vs. Jason. And according to an interview in Fangoria Magazine (August 1989), Hodder actually threw up on cue by drinking lots of water. Gross.

Unfortunately because this movie performed poorly in the box office, Paramount sold the franchise to New Line Cinema, until the remake. Only two movies were made in between (Jason X and Freddy Vs Jason).

IMDB rates this a 4.2 out of 10 stars, Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 10% with a 42% audience approval rating. I am giving this two skulls and a hand full of teeth for a 2.5 out of 5. There are some great kills and just a touch of humor but it lacks a sensible plot. (Which after it being the 8th movie in the franchise, go figure!)

Two more days you guys! Two more days! If you have any suggestions on what I should write on during November please let me know in a comment!

Until tomorrow,
Sleep tight and don't let the zombies bite,

-JD

Monday, October 28, 2013

I Am Legend

Hello creepsters,

It's Monday...and I am already exhausted. Work was a bit frustrating since I had to stay late and I am currently working on a really bad headache. So today's blog with be blissfully short.

I am going to review I Am Legend, I caught this movie last night on AMC's Fear Fest (sadly this one is not currently on Netflix)

Released in 2007 and directed by Francis Lawrence this movie stars Will Smith who is the sole survivor in Manhattan after a horrific outbreak occurs.

Now they don't refer to the infected people as zombies, but as Darkseekers (because they have a reaction to UV light and only come out at night...a lot like vampires)

This movie is great in the way that it captures your emotional heart strings and rips them out once you realize what is going on...and if you get upset when animals die bring some Kleenex or a pillow to sob into.

Will Smith gives such a fantastic performance in this movie, he really is a talented actor -- it's amazing that he use to play the Fresh Prince.

Yeah you're welcome!

IMDB rates this a 7.1 out of 10 stars and Rotten Tomatoes gives it 70% with a 69% audience approval rating. I am giving it three skulls and a hand full of teeth for a 3.5 out of 5 skulls. It is a great movie if you haven't seen it, but I wish that the ending would have been a bit fuller and that we would have gotten more background information about how everything started.

Can't believe it's the 28th! Only three more days in October. If anyone has any suggestions on what I should blog on throughout the month of November please let me know!

Until tomorrow,
Sleep tight and don't let the zombies bite,

-JD

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Young Frankenstein

Happy Sunday fellow creepsters!

I must be honest with you all...yesterday I lied. I never made it out to the corn maze, and never got to use 'Malachi' or 'Outlander'...instead my roller derby BFF and I made pies and got some awesome tattoos...

Yes ladies and germs those are mustache tattoos, and yes they are real. No one seemed to believe that last night at the Halloween derby party. Ainta Bandaid is one of my best friends ever and roller derby is what brought us together and if you follow derby you might have noticed that we're all pretty obsessed with bacon and mustaches. This is just such a beautiful bromance.

Alright, bromancing aside today I am reviewing one of my all time favorite Mel Brooks movies, Young Frankenstein. And ironically enough the Central Wisconsin Area Community Theater is putting on the musical version of Young Frankenstein this weekend!

I remember being about 8 or 9 and asking my mom to buy this movie for me because it was about Frankenstein. I didn't know that it was a Mel Brooks parody, I seriously thought that it was a sequel to Frankenstein and that it was about his younger brother or something. I watched this movie so much that I wore out the VHS which was also the special edition with 10 minutes of outtakes after the movie.

Released in 1974 this movie was directed by Mel Brooks (duh) and stars a lot of amazing people who were mentioned in the trailer...go and watch the trailer...do it...

One of the things that makes this movie great, besides the comedy and shtick is that a lot of the props used were the same props used in the movie Frankenstein.

Blucher!

This movie will appeal to a wide audience, if you like Frankenstein you will like this movie. If you love Mel Brooks you will love this movie. If you're a fan of shtick you will be a fan of this movie. Go ahead, watch this movie and then call me a liar. (Unfortunately this one is not currently on Netflix)

IMDB rates this a solid 8 out of 10 stars and Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 94% with a 90% audience approval rating. I am giving this 5 out of 5 skulls because this movie is just so nostalgic for me and it's just so damn funny.

Until tomorrow fellow creepsters,
Sleep tight and don't let the zombies bite!

-JD

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Children of the Corn

Happy Saturday fellow creepsters!

Last night was a blast and Thaddeus (my dolphin puppet) got into some shenanigans.



Oh that dolphin of mine!

Tonight I will be going to a haunted corn maze with some of my friends in roller derby, so in honor of that I have decided to review the movie Children of the Corn.



Released in 1984 this movie was directed by Fritz Kiersch and stars Linda Hamilton, and:

John Franklin as Issac (who really was the creepiest little fucker in this movie)

Courtney Gains as Maaaaaaaaliachi -- This guy was equally creepy but mainly because he is a day walker named Courtney, poor kid, must have been hell going through high school. 


 Now I am not the biggest fan of children, so already this movie is terrifying. Although let's be honest Issac is the creepiest creeper because he looked like such an old man -- granted he was 25 when this movie was released.

The music in this movie is pretty great for being that 80's-creepy-horror-movie-music-that-must-always-use-synthesizers. 

There are two great 'quotes' you can take from this that I will be sure to use tonight at the corn maze and they are:

Maalllllllllllllachi! and "Outlander!"

I was going to post videos on how these two are said because it's all in the inflection of the voice; but they are spoiler alerts so you will just need to hop over to Netflix and watch the movie -- or if you're super lazy go over to Youtube and type in Children of the Corn 1984 Malachi. 

All of the sequls are on Netflix, there are 8 of them, and there was also a remake made in 2011 but I have yet to see it. This movie is a lot like the other 1970s/80s Stephen King books made into movies -- it's okay but in that weird-kind-of-cheesy-even-though-its-not-trying-to-be sort of way. 

IMDB rates this a 5.4 out of 10 stars and Rotten Tomatoes gives it 39% with a 48% audience approval. I am giving this 2 out of 5 skulls it's grate for the creep factor but I was left wanting to punch all these kids in the face and tell them to respect their elders. Oh well.

Until tomorrow!
Sleep tight and don't let the zombies bite,

-JD

Friday, October 25, 2013

Corpse Bride

It's Friday Friday gotta get down on Friday....

Yeah, sorry about that, but hey it is Friday! And Halloween is less than a week away!

Tonight I am going downtown with some friends and will be dressing up as...



Pam Poovey from Archer! So excited!

So tonight I am going to do a very quick review on the movie The Corpse Bride because I have been on a stop motion movie kick as of late. 



Released in 2005 this movie was actually directed by Tim Burton this time! If you are not sure what I mean, go ahead and read my Nightmare Before Christmas blog post. Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter both star in this movie as the two lead characters.

Did anyone else get slightly confused as soon as the Nightmare Before Christmas music started playing?

Anyways this movie is really cute although for me gets a bit annoying with some of the voice acting. If you liked Nightmare you will enjoy this movie -- although the music isn't as catchy as Nightmare.

IMDB rates this a 7.5 out of 10 stars and Rotten Tomatoes gives it 83% with a 75% audience approval rating. I am giving it 4 out of 5 skulls, really great movie but for me it just doesn't live up to the magic that is Nightmare Before Christmas.

Until next time,
Sleep tight and don't let the zombies bite!

-JD

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Bride of Chucky

Happy Thursday fellow creepsters!

Just think, tomorrow is Friday! (Which is also payday for me woo!)

I apologize for the lateness of this entry (y'know, for those of you who follow and might actually notice this). One of my best friends was getting her first tattoo and I just had to stop by and give her some moral support. She was such a trooper, so proud of her!

Anyways, today I will be reviewing Bride Of Chucky!

I know this movie gets a lot of groans but you have to admit it is a hell of a lot better than Seed of Chucky. I remember dressing up as Tiffany one year for Halloween back in middle school.

This movie isn't as scary as its predecessors, but I think the lovely Jennifer Tilly totally makes up for it....she really does have the voice of an angel. (10 points to those who get this reference)

Released in 1998 and directed by Ronny Yu (Hey isn't that the guy who also directed Freddy Vs Jason? Why yes kids, yes it is!) This movie stars Jennifer Tilly (obviously) Brad Dourif as Chucky (duh) and Alexis Arquette who plays Damien.

But wait JD, isn't Alexis Arquette a woman? Why is she playing a man? Well lovelies, for those of you who do not know, Alexis Arquette is transgender. Born Robert Arquette, she did a lot of acting as a man (if you're a fan of Xena you may remember her playing Caligula credited as Alexis) and then eventually became the fabulous Alexis.

I tried doing some research as to when and if she had male to female surgery and when she came out but there really isn't a whole lot. And in case you were wondering why I keep using feminine pronouns it is because Alexis identifies herself as female, should you find yourself in the situation of meeting or becoming friends with someone who is transgender please ask why personal pronouns they prefer, they will really appreciate you taking the time and addressing them correctly. Okay off my soap box, (can you tell that I have done a lot of work in the LGBTQ community?)

So, if you have not seen this movie and decide to watch it on Netflix or something, pay special attention to the opening scene, there are some horror movie 'Easter eggs' there!

The basic premise of this movie is that Tiffany, an ex-girlfriend of Charles Lee Ray aka Chucky, gets her hands on the remains of the doll and sews him back together. He comes back to life after some VooDoo hoodoo, a lot of people die and Tiffany eventually gets her soul sucked into a doll.

The soundtrack to this movie is amazing...mostly because it's music that I listen to on a daily basis.

Honestly, if you like horror, campy humor and Jennifer Tilly's wonderful angelic voice you will enjoy this movie.

IMDB rates this a 5.2 out of 10 stars, Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 42% with a 49% audience approval.  I am giving this a 3 skulls and a hand full of teeth for a 3.5 out of 5 skulls.

Until tomorrow!
Sleep tight and don't let the zombies bite,

-JD

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

A Nightmare On Elm Street

Happy Hump-day fellow creepsters,

Today I am reviewing...

A Nightmare on Elm Street, the 1984 original...NOT the 2010 Remake...

I love Freddy Kruger, he is one of my favorite horror movie villains, he can combine humor and death so well without being too campy.

Robert Englund will forever be Freddy Kruger.

Directed by Wes Craven this movie was the first for Johnny Depp.

Oh God! Isn't he just delicious?!

Did you know that New Line Cinema was saved because of this movie? This is why it is sometimes called 'The House That Freddy Built.'

If you don't know the plot of this movie you have been living under a rock. A child killers finally gets his comeuppance by the neighborhood parents and is burned alive. He comes back in the dreams of the local teens and kills them.

This movie is SO bloody that they used over 500 gallons of it!

If you look closely during the scene where Nancy has the TV on is about to fall asleep, the movie she is watching is The Evil Dead...also, if you go ahead and watch The Evil Dead II, Kruger's glove is hanging up in the shack.

There are really only two things that I don't like about this movie: 1) The mom, I hate her character, she is such a fucking idiot and a drunk that I really wish she would have been killed earlier; and 2) The ending, the ending is just crap -- oh so now you don't believe and now Freddy is defeated? Pair that with the weird dream like ending...if you head over to IMDB and check out the trivia, you will see that Craven didn't like the ending, and that it was actually a compromise between two variations.

Other than that this movie is pretty great...I remember watching it late at night as a kid and having to remind myself that it was only a movie and that you can't die from your dreams.

IMDB rates this a 7.5 out of 10 stars, Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 95% with a 79% audience approval rating. I am giving it a 4 out of 5 skulls.
If you haven't seen it, please do, and make sure it's the original and not the remake...

Until tomorrow,
Sleep tight and don't let the zombies bite!

-JD

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Mad Monster Party?

Happy Tuesday fellow creepsters!

Today I am reviewing a some what obscure film, it's called Mad Monster Party and was released in 1967 and is a stop motion movie much like Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer and all the other holiday movies of the time.

This movie was directed by Jules Bass and stars Boris Karloff and Phyills Diller.

When Dr Frankenstein decides to retire from the monster-making business, he calls an international roster of monsters to a creepy convention to elect his successor. Everyone is there including Dracula, The Werewolf, The Creature, Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde and many more. But Frankenstein's title is not all that is at stake. The famous doctor has also discovered the secret of total destruction that must not fall into the wrong hands! --- Summary taken from IMDB


What makes this movie great is that all of the classic monsters make an appearance. The stop motion is a bit rough, but you really can't expect much from the period. This movie is on Netflix and would make a great family Halloween night. 

IMDB rates this a 6.4 out of 10 stars Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 67% with a 64% audience approval rating. I am going to give this a 4 out of 5 skulls, really cute movie that is an oldie but a goodie.

Until tomorrow,
Sleep tight and don't let the zombies bite!

-JD

Monday, October 21, 2013

The Toxic Avenger

Happy Monday fellow creepsters

Today I am reviewing The Toxic Avenger!

So knowing that the super hero is from New Jersey it should come as no surprise that this movie is pure crap, this is probably why it has such a cult following.

Released in 1984 this movie is directed by Michael Herz and Loyd Kaufman and stars no one who made it into Hollywood...everyone's career was ruined by this movie....



While they were filming the movie, they had no idea what to call the monster so that is why all the shirts and stuff supporting the monster say 'monster' and not 'Toxie'.

I will say this about the movie, there are some pretty neat special effects but I think that this is over shadowed by the needless cruelty and violence.

If you are intrigued enough to want to watch it, you can catch it on Netflix, complete with its sequel...

IMDB rates this a 5.9 out of 10 stars Rotten Tomatoes gives it a very surprising 63% with a 58% audience approval rating. I don't know guys, I just couldn't get into it, so I'm giving this a one out of five skulls.

Until tomorrow,
Sleep tight and don't let the zombies bite!

-JD

Sunday, October 20, 2013

ParaNorman

Happy Sunday Creepsters!

You know, Sundays are one of my favorite days of the week. There is Football (Go Pack Go!) and now, The Walking Dead, and of course another blog.

Today I am reviewing ParaNorman.

This movie is cute and has a surprisingly deep message all the while being creepy.

Norman is such a cool kid, wish I had a zombie alarm clock or a zombie toothbrush!

Released in 2012 this movie was directed by Chris Butler and stars John Goodman, Casey Affleck, and Kodi Smit-McPhee.

The premise of this movie is very simple: Norman will need to use his special gift of talking to ghosts in order to save the town from a 100 year old curse.

One of the great things about this movie is that they have an openly gay character in a kids movie! Of course you don't really know this until the end, and I won't tell you who, but how awesome is that?!

IMDB rates this a 6.9 out of 10 stars. Rotten Tomatoes gives it an 87% with a 73% audience approval rating. I am giving this a 4 out of 5 stars, great movie to watch with the family with a great message at the end. Not a lot of 'horror' movies can do that.

Until tomorrow,
Sleep tight and don't let the zombies bite!

-JD


Saturday, October 19, 2013

Dracula 2000

Happy Saturday creepsters!

Today is going to be a great day, you want to know why? Because today is the Monsters Brawl in Appleton. What is this Monsters Brawl you may ask, well it just so happens to combine two very awesome things: Halloween and Roller Derby. That is right my friends, tonight there will be witches and vampires on roller skates beating the shit out of each other -- so excited!

Anyways...today I am doing something a bit unusual and review a movie that is not on Netflix nor in my personal collection, instead this movie was on SyFy's 31 Days of Halloween...hey that is a pretty awesome title for a month long Halloween movie marathon!

Today I will review Dracula 2000, I caught this movie late last night when I couldn't sleep...

Released in 2000 (obviously) this movie was directed by Patrick Lussier and stars a bunch of actors from the late 90's/2000 era teen movies such as Sean Patrick Thomas, Danny Masterson (That 70's Show) and even Colleen Fitzpatrick aka 'Vitamin C'

You might remember her from this:
Or that god awful Graduation song aka 'Friends Forever"

Yeah I'm pretty sure that everyone during the late 90's/early 2000 graduated to this song...gah.

So yes, THAT bright haired fake day walker is in this movie...oh also Gerard Butler, really the ONLY good thing about this movie because at least he is pretty to look at.

Okay, maybe his hair is a bit ridiculous but come on! Soooo handsome!

Oh yeah, that's right the trailer for this movie:

Alright did anyone else find it weird that Wes Craven thought that this movie would be so great that he would "present" it? And also why the hell was it released during Christmas? ...Yikes.

So the basic premise is simple enough, Dracula is now in the 21st century and in New Orleans trying to find the daughter of his arch enemy Van Helsing. Lots of death and blood and really bad fashion choices...

Honestly this movie isn't all that great, but if you're in the mood to see a lot of young people die while Gerard Butler goes around most of the movie without a shirt...then you might really enjoy this!

IMDB gives this a 4.7 out of 10 stars, Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 15% with a 46% audience approval rating. I am giving it 2 out of 5 skulls and those two skulls are purely because Gerard Butler and Nathan Fillion aka Castle are in it (oh did I forget to mention that earlier? Yeah he plays a freaking priest!), otherwise I find that the lead actress is really annoying and the plot is just craptastic.

So there you have it, another one bites the dust! (Pun intended)
Until tomorrow,
Sleep tight and don't let the zombies bite!

-JD

Friday, October 18, 2013

Thir13ten Ghosts

Happy Friday fellow creepsters!

Today I will be keeping with the ghost theme from yesterday and reviewing Thir13en Ghosts.
Sorry guys, this one isn't on Netflix. =(




I will tell you all right now that the only interesting thing about this movie are the 13 ghosts themselves so I am going to be spending a majority of my time talking about them. But first things first:

Released in 2001 this movie was directed by Steve Beck and stars Tony Shalhoub, Shannon Elizabeth, and Matthew Lillard.

Basically this weird guy collects a lot of weird things, including ghosts, and when he dies he leaves his house to his nephew and his family and they move in only to find that the ghosts his uncle had collected are in the house.

Now back that what really matters, the ghosts of the Black Zodiac:

1. The First Born Son


The First Born Son is the ghost of Billy Michaels, a boy who loved cowboy films. One day, a neighbor found a real steel-tipped bow and arrow in his house and challenged Billy to a duel, with Billy using a toy gun. However, his plaything was no match for the arrow, and he died when the neighbor shot it through the back of his head. In death, Billy is in his cowboy suit, holding a tomahawk, with the arrow still protruding from his head. His ghost whispers "I want to play" or "play with me."

2. The Torso


The Torso is the ghost of a gambler called Jimmy "The Gambler" Gambino. One day, he made a deal with a madman, Larry “The Finger” Vitello, and when he bet heavily on a boxing match and lost, he tried to slip out of town. The mob and the winning boxer, to whom he owed money, caught up with Gambino and cut him into several pieces, wrapping them in cellophane and dumping the corpse into the ocean. His ghost is just his torso, trying to walk around on its hands, while his head lies nearby screaming within the cellophane. -- The really cool thing about this one is that they actually had a double amputee play this character and had him wear a green hoodie so they could block out his head. 

3. The Bound Woman 

The Bound Woman is the ghost of Susan LeGrow, a girl with wealthy parents. Susan had a penchant for dating one boy and cheating on him with another. This left a long trail of broken hearts. During her senior year in high school, she dated the star football player Chet Walters. On the night of her school prom, Chet found Susan with another boy. The next morning, the boy was found dead and Susan was missing. Her body was found buried at the 50-yard line of the school football field. Chet was convicted and sentenced to death. Right before his execution he said, “The bitch broke my heart so I broke her neck”. Her ghost is hanging suspended wearing her prom dress with her arms tied.

4. The Withered Lover


The Withered Lover is Jean Kriticos, Arthur's wife. She was burned severely while saving her family from a devastating house fire, and died of her wounds in the hospital. Her ghost initially appears in a hospital gown, hooked up to an IV pole and showing severe burns on her face. However, after the destruction of the machine, her ghost is wearing her normal clothes and her burns have vanished. Unlike the other ghosts, she is not a vengeful spirit and tries to help her family. [The burn make-up is horrible, really she should look like Harvey 'Two-Face' Dent from The Dark Knight]

5. The Torn Prince


The Torn Prince is the ghost of Royce Clayton, a gifted baseball star in high school, albeit with attitude issues and a superiority complex. In 1957, he was challenged by a greaser named Johnny to a drag race, but was killed as his car spun out of control; the cause of the accident was a cut brake line. He was buried in a plot of earth that overlooked his hometown baseball diamond. His ghost carries a baseball bat, and parts of his face and body are torn to shreds from when he was dragged under the car. His ghost uses his bat as a powerful weapon and in his cell, he sits atop the upturned car which ended his life.

6.  The Angry Princess


The Angry Princess is the ghost of Dana Newman, who had the natural beauty of a goddess but the inability to recognize it. By her early 20s, a string of abusive boyfriends led her into a downward spiral of self-loathing. Her desperate search for perfection led her to find employment with a plastic surgeon, where her wage was paid in nose jobs, breast implants and other procedures. One night at the clinic, Dana tried to perform surgery on herself. The unorthodox procedure went horribly wrong and she was left blind in one eye. She committed suicide in the bathtub by slashing herself with a butcher knife until her veins ran dry. When she was discovered, people said she was as beautiful in death as she was in life. Her ghost is naked, holding the same knife she killed herself with, showing all the wounds. Her cell is covered in blood.

7. The Pilgrimess


The Pilgrimess is the ghost of Isabella Smith. In 1675, Isabella sailed across the Atlantic Ocean in search for a warm comfortable home in New England, but the tight-knit townsfolk didn’t trust outsiders and isolated her from the town. The town's livestock began to die mysteriously so the local preacher accused her of witchcraft. As more livestock started to fall ill, the preacher acquired a mysterious illness. The town rallied into a frenzy, cornering Isabella in a barn, which they lit on fire. Isabella miraculously crawled out, still alive without a single burn. So instead, she was sentenced to a slow death in the stocks, where she stayed for weeks on end while children stoned her, women cursed her, and men spat on her. The humiliation grew far worse than the pain, so finally Isabella succumbed to starvation. Her ghost is walking around with her hands still locked in the stocks.

8 & 9. The Great Child and the Dire Mother


The Dire Mother is the ghost of Margaret Shelburne, a shy woman who rose to only a mere three feet in height. She was constantly stared at for her small size but Margaret didn’t care as long as she found some form of acceptance. A carnival barker named Jimbo placed her on display in his freak show. One night, she was raped by a carnival freak called The Tall Man. Her son, Harold, the Great Child, was born as a result, and eventually weighed over 300 pounds. Since infancy, Margaret spoiled Harold, so he remained in diapers his entire life. The two became very close and protective of each other. One day, some circus workers decided to play a cruel joke on Harold by kidnapping his mother. He found that she had died of suffocation in the sack she was kept in. Filled with anger, Harold violently chopped the workers to death with an axe, and placed their remains on display for paying customers to see. When Jimbo found out what Harold had done, he ordered an angry mob to rip and tear Harold apart. Their ghosts are always together and the Great Child still holds his axe.
In the original script, their deaths were different. It's explained in the director's commentary on the DVD that their original deaths were that Harold suffocated on his own vomit and as a result fell onto his mother, thus suffocating her as well. It wasn't until later that this idea was disregarded as the directors felt it was too weak a character background. It is through this story line that explains why Harold has vomit all over his bib, and why his mother is feeding him in their cell.

10. The Hammer


The Hammer is the ghost of a blacksmith, George Markley, who lived in a small town in the 1890s. He was wrongfully accused of stealing, and when threatened with exile, refused to leave town. A gang led by his accuser hanged his wife and children and burned their bodies; in revenge, George used his sledgehammer to beat his accuser and the other culprits to death. He was then subjected to a cruel form of frontier justice by the townsfolk, being chained to a tree and executed by having railroad spikes driven into his body with his own sledgehammer. They cut off his hand and attached the sledgehammer to the wrist where the hand was cut off. His ghost is seen with the railroad spikes protruding from his body and a sledgehammer for a left hand.

11. The Jackal


The Jackal is the ghost of Ryan Kuhn. In 1887, Ryan was born to a prostitute. By his adult years, Ryan developed a sick insatiable taste for females and began attacking prostitutes. Feeling a desperate need of help, he committed himself to an asylum. After years of imprisonment in a padded room, Ryan went insane, scratching at the walls so violently that his nails were torn off. The doctors kept him permanently bound in a straitjacket, tying it tighter when he would act out, causing his limbs to contort horribly. Ryan gnawed right through it so the doctors stuck him in a basement cell and locked his head in a cage. There, he grew to hate all mankind. When a fire broke out in the asylum, everyone but Ryan escaped. His ghost is in his undone straitjacket and his head is still locked in the cage. If he encounters fire, his ghost will disappear.

12. The Juggarnaut


The Juggernaut is the ghost of a serial killer named Horace "Breaker" Mahoney. Standing 7 feet tall, he was of such grotesque height and appearance that everyone ostracized him as a child. His mother abandoned him at birth, so his father raised him, putting him to work in the junkyard crushing old cars. After his father died, Horace was left on his own, and soon went mad. He would pick up female hitchhikers on the road and drive them back to his junkyard, then tear them apart with his bare hands and feed them to his dogs. One day, he picked up an undercover female police officer, who called for backup, bringing a SWAT team to surround the junkyard. The police arrested the giant. However, Horace broke free and three officers lost their lives. Quickly, five SWAT officers took out their guns and brought Horace down in a hail of bullets. When he finally went down, they shot an extra round of ammunition into him "just to be safe." His ghost still shows bullet holes all over his clothing. According to Dennis, Horace killed nine people when he was alive, another thirty-one as a ghost, then many of Cyrus' assistants and, during the film's events, Dennis himself.

13. The Broken Heart
The thirteenth ghost would've been Arthur. He had to be alive to be sacrificed into the Eye of Hell and then die to save his family, but the ghosts threw Cyrus into the Eye of Hell instead, setting all twelve ghosts free and the would-be thirteenth free, too.z
[All of the information was taken from the Wikipedia article about this movie]
See, interesting huh? They don't really talk about the back stories of the ghosts in the movie, but if you buy the DVD you get all the information you could want. 

IMDB rates this movie a 5.3 out of 10 stars, Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 14% with a 56% audience approval rating. I am going to give it a 3 out of 5 skulls. There are glaring plot holes [Like if Aurther is so poor and behind on bill, how the hell can he afford a nanny...and also why is it that everyone can see the dead uncle without the special glasses, but needs the glasses in order to see all the other ghosts?] and the blood is a bit too red for me to believe that it is real in some shots; and really the great thing about this movie are the ghosts. 
So until tomorrow,
Sleep tight and don't let the zombies bite!
-JD


Thursday, October 17, 2013

Ghostbusters!

When there is something strange in your neighborhood, who ya gonna call?

Released in 1984 and directed by Ivan Reitman, Ghostbusters has an all star cast; Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, and Signourney Weaver....just to name a few!



This movie isn't all that scary...unless you are afraid of 300 foot marshmallow men, but it's just such a great classic that I had to watch it. It is really neat seeing a young cast of characters, it is also strange seeing everyone smoking in this movie. Oh how times have changed.

The special effects for the time were really neat, although the whole demon dog leaping from the closet was poorly done. Other than that this movie is really fun to watch and you can catch it on Netflix!

IMDB rates this movie a 7.8 out of 10 stars and Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 92% with an 82% audience approval rating.

Sorry this review is so short, I'm exhausted after a long work week and I still have tomorrow.

Until tomorrow,
Sleep tight and don't let the zombies bite!

-JD